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[12 Dec 2005|02:30am] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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cw:114.5
im going home in 6 days!!!!! how many lbs do you think i can loose by then? guess we'll find out......
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[09 Dec 2005|11:02am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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the sound of a teacher yelling down the hall |
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well, its the 12 day of my plan and i have lost 5 or 6 lbs. i quite pleased with myself seeing as i had only calculated to loose 2 lbs per whole week. so, i am 1 or 2 lbs ahead of schedule. its crunch time though. its not enough. i must work harder. i have 1 week before i go home and i want to make my parents feel aweful for sending me to boarding school and let me come back home. i know, its mean. but im deperate! i know that im at that fateful point where i can turn back or i can keep going. ive been here so many times before and i almost always chose to keep going. so why am i even contemplating it? its not like its any different this time. i havent b/p'd in a week adn im so proud of myself. i thought the cycle would never end. ive got to take ACTs tomarrow and my medicine is making me feel crazy so im scared i cant do it. oh well, i guess all i can do is try.
5'5
hw:126(average.eww.)
lw:91(at 5'4)
cw:116
gw1:110(bmi below 18.5)
gw2:104(then re-evaluate)
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[05 Dec 2005|07:20pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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patty griffin |
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im sick. very sick. have the flu, mono, something. miserable. ive lost a ton of weight though. im taking wellbutrin and it makes me not want any food. like, im still hungry kinda but food of any sort does not sound appealing at all. took another personality test. looks like the meds arent working for anything but the furthering of my ed.
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| pretty good day. |
[07 Nov 2005|08:56pm] |
protein bar (280 cals)
1/2 veggie sandwich w/wheat bread and mustard (140 cals)
ff popcorn (100 cals)
apple (70 cals)
twizzlers 160)
total: 750
150 more than planned but im still happy. no b/p, which is an incredeble feat for me : )
night!
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| FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK |
[06 Nov 2005|08:37pm] |
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HATE THIS FUCKING SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i sware to God im going insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant do shit! ever! and im so sick! mentally,physically, you name it! i dont know what to do! im at a breaking point and then im gonna crumble. its like my entire life is being consumed. or maybe it already has.... somebody help me.
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| sometimes I feel like the normal box is far too small for anyone to fit into |
[06 Nov 2005|06:30pm] |
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well, i can definately say that this has been and incredibly long and frustrating, not to mention self destructive semester. for some reason i have this constant drive to ruin myself. anything damaging seems instantly attractive to me. im fucked up. on, that note, ive decided that if we, the students at oak, are supposed to be the "fuck ups", the "bad kids", than i dont think that there is such a thing. im learning that labels are irrelevant and 9 times out of 10 inaccurate. how can you sum a person up in a matter of words? it cant be done. peoples lives and minds are far too complicated to be placed into a 4x4 wooded box. ive always said that i hated boxes and now i am taking it upon myself to hate them for the rest of the world as well.
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skinneme's journal